IAN GAVAN
Sarah Ferguson, we salute you - and your binge-packing style.
Sarah Ferguson has, in her time, been a poster girl for a great many things, some quite extraordinary.
From extramarital toe-sucking to flogging her ex-husband's influence to Saudi sheikhs, more often than not she has incontrovertibly put the common into commoner.
But photographs of her arriving in Australia recently for a seven-day trip with what can only be described as a fleet of luggage demonstrate that the dame's got class.
Binge-packing is the preserve of a true princess. In an age of pared-down expenditure, a suite of suitcases is the ultimate symbol of old-school sophistication.
Fergie, we salute your extravagance and here's why:
1. At least one of Fergie's cases will be crammed with shoes. Imagine it! Men do not understand the female imperative for footwear changes throughout the day.
But the success of any city break often rests entirely on the flip-flop, flats, cork wedge, espadrille, sassy heel continuum. Give a girl the right pair of pumps and she can conquer the world.
2. Checking in your vast array of luggage means you can bring all the unguents, liquids, lotions and potions you like. It also spares you the indignity of cramming your toiletries into a see-through plastic bag at security.
Do you really want the world to rubberneck your Gwyneth Paltrow live bee beauty secrets?
3. The (eye-watering and punitive) cost of excess baggage is worth paying to travel like a Kardashian. A-listers don't bat an eye at the expenditure. Then again, they rarely have to slum it by flying commercial.
4. Choice is the ultimate luxury. This is because it's notoriously difficult to envision alfresco lunches and sundowners when you are wearing flannelette PJs to bed.
Will you be hot? Very hot? Chilly in the evenings? Cold at night? Might it rain? Tropically? What will the humidity do to your hair? When faced with so many variables the only rational response is to bring every hat and wrap and stitch of clothing you own.
5. The pay-off for grown-up children abandoning you is not having to share suitcase space. None of the dreary compromises are required such as sacrificing your bejewelled evening clutch to make room for kids' wellies, Barbies (who have even more shoes than you) and beach inflatables.
6. Packing is fraught with decision-making. Chucking everything into half a dozen cases, however, is fabulously liberating as it obviates the need for tedious planning.
7. Lots of cases equals lots of attention. You won't be wheeling them so don't pretend to be a doughty independent woman; channel Jennifer Lopez, ramp up your inner diva and wear enough statement jewellery to set off the security alarms.
8. Hotels often claim to offer a "home from home" welcome, but that is based on the interior decor myth that everyone's home looks like a Heal's window.
If you live in a real house, you will probably feel comfiest curled on the sofa watching telly in well-worn slippers and a weirdly soft acrylic blanket.You might not need to lounge if you're on an ultra-glamorous holiday to a far-flung paradise, but if it's a combined work trip, you might welcome the opportunity to regress.
9. A certain type of jet-setting woman takes an inverted snobbery in packing light, but these smug fashionistas are ultimately misguided.
Watch their cabin baggage insouciance evaporate when the captain informs passengers over the tannoy that "the temperature in our destination is an unseasonal..." It doesn't matter if it's 10 degrees under or over, the underpackers will get their sartorial comeuppance.
